Friends and Funerals

When I plan my next work week the Friday before, I never really know what's going to happen in that week, but I do figure it's going to stay according to schedule for the most part. However, by Friday afternoon, I had learned from my colleague, Francis, that our fellow co-worker, Eunice was out of the office because her son-in-law died unexpectantly. I was especially sad to hear this because I hadn't seen Eunice since before Easter because of my new office lifestyle these past few weeks (which has me pasty white); and was looking forward to seeing her.

In this morning's staff meeting, we heard that the funeral was going to be today, and so, as a staff, we all went to show solidarity as Nuru. Also, today, I read a newsletter from my friend Cath about her last days with her husband and her feelings after his death. It was bizarre-- two deaths in one week-- both newly married husbands, both relatively young, both from disease. In Cath's email she shared 3 Bible verses: Isaiah 43:18,19; 1 Corinthians 15:35-36, & 42-44; and Ephesians 2:4,5, &8. Those were the opening words of her email after mentioning Martin's death; and throughout the entire email, although through tears, as she told us, she was praising God for the moments she did have with him and that he's in heaven right now with no more cancer and no more pain. Although I was in tears through reading her email, I was encouraged that Cath, through her sadness can find joy. How many times have I had much smaller problems than these and cannot find the joy through the tears?

So, before going to Eunice's son-in-law's funeral, I made her and her daughter a card. On the front read the last 2 verses of Psalm 121, and inside I wrote about Cath's story and her strength in God, along with a folded a print out of the 3 passages that Cath wrote out in today's email, decorated with colorful magic markers so that they can hang it on their wall to remind themselves daily of the one who restores lives and brings hope.

When we got to the funeral, we hugged Eunice and then sat down in some chairs in the back (it was outside under a tarp, which spilled out beyond the tarp). As I sat, I noticed Eunice sitting in the grass against a tree facing away from the rest of the service; and so I wondered if I should go over to sit with her. At first, I stayed in my chair because of pride, but then I realized that my friend and sister needed someone to comfort her. Eunice has spent since last Friday comforting her daughter, who wouldn't allow her mom to leave her side for a moment because she was so beside-herself. Because of this, neither of them had ate or slept since Friday. During the funeral, Eunice told me that she has spent the whole weekend trying to comfort her daughter and get her to eat (the daughter is 8 months pregnant), but she couldn't comfort her as much as she'd like, and as a mother, that was devastating. It was then that I realized that this friend of mine really did need to be comforted after an exhausting weekend of being the comforter. So I just sat with her-- my arm around her, as we talked and prayed.

At the close of the speeches, everyone walked up to the casket (actually pushed their way through like it was the metro station in rush hour) to pay their last respects. Eunice asked me to come with her and so she led me up there hand-in-hand. Afterwards, she led me into the courtyard and into the room where her daughter sat on the floor against the wall crying. At the sight of her daughter crying, Eunice began to sob and buried her head into my shoulder. Soon after that, she started falling to the ground, so I lowered her to the floor. She laid there sobbing and all I could do was hold her and pray out loud for both her and her daughter, and for the unborn child who was possibly undergoing a lot of stress. Eunice was shaking, but responded as I prayed. Some other women were there poking at her and talking to her in Kikuria in a way that sounded like "buck up!" or "you're freakin' out your daughter so stop!" As those ladies did that, all I wanted to do was grab them and say "What's the matter with you?! Let her cry! Is it not natural?!" But instead, I just continued to pray for her.

Finally, some people decided that she needs to go home, and Eunice eventually accepted and asked me to call a boda (motorbike taxi) for her. Instead, I called our chairman, Philip to see if we can take her by taxi because she might have fallen off a boda in the state she was in. Along with another woman (who was obviously a friend and age-mate to Eunice) who helped me pick her from off the floor, we walked her outside to the awaiting taxi. All of us (Aerie, Chris, the Chairman, etc) rode together with Eunice and her friend in the front seat together. Because she hadn't eaten in 4 days, we stopped along the way to pick up some food for her to take home. Eunice also has younger kids at home and who knows what they've been doing for food this past weekend. Eventually, we reached her house and I gave her a hug good-bye as her friend walked her down the path to her house. Tomorrow I plan on going to check on her and make sure she's alright.

This entry is sad, and doesn't necessarily have to do with my work, but I felt like I needed to post it. I hope that there's something beneficial from it for all who read it. Personally, I'm still processing. But as the Shel Silverstein poem of the Zebra says "Are you black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" We are all human here and this is just the story of a mom who loves her hurting child and wants desperately to take away all of her pain; and it's the story of how another can find joy in her sorrows as she loses her newlywed husband to cancer.

"Do not remember the former things, do not consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth, shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." ~ Isaiah 43:18,19

Thanks for your prayers for Cath and her family; and now Eunice and her family.